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As you face each day, as you face the routine, do you find that you often have days or moments where you stop and wonder what is it all for?
Is there a purpose to all this?
And really – where are we all going?
Some people ask themselves questions like this on a regular basis, while others only in times of extreme hardships or stress. But all of us have at one time or another questioned the purpose of this all.
Through this article we are going to examine the cause of the day-to-day rat race, our motivation for it and then try to find answers for changing to a state that truly serves us and our existence on our own personal path of life.
The Cause of the Daily Rat Race
The alarm clock goes off around 6am. You stumble out of bed as you barely got 6 hours of sleep. You jump in the shower get dressed and run out the door without even a minute to spare for breakfast. Perhaps in between there you had to even make lunches or get the kids ready. Next you drive everybody to where they need to go and drive yourself to your job. You come home for 6pm, you try to assemble a dinner, tidy up the house, put the kids to bed and catch up on some other house chores. You go to bed, but you can’t fall asleep. You finally fall asleep and the alarm clock goes off. Another day begins.
As you read the above description, my hope is that you DO NOT relate to it at all. The sad part is many of us do. Did it sound like your life? And what comes tomorrow and the next day and the next day after that? More of exactly the same.
It seems that in our society today, so many of us are just trying to stay afloat. Never mind actually feeling like we are swimming in enjoyable strokes through life. For most if we are not staying afloat, then we are probably sinking.
It is the same story over and over “too much to do and too little time.” Perhaps that is also one of the reasons why we are so afraid of death – because we are leaving too many things “unfinished.”
Most of our lives always and constantly seem to revolve around “things to do.” We have indeed forgotten our essence because it is not that of “human doings”, but that of “human beings”.
So what is the cause of all this? We think it is happiness, because we are stuck living in the pseudo “if-then” phenomenon. If I do (this), then (I, we, they) will be happy. But living this way leaves us forever in the “wanting” and “waiting” stage. That is why we always feel like we are on the move and constantly have stuff to “do.”
The true cause of it really comes down to one word – money. Those paper and metal pieces that on their own are truly useless, but those are the same pieces that our society instills in us we always need more of.
From an early age, our society tells us to go to school to get a good job, get a good job to buy a house, and work, work, work to have a spouse, kids and buy lots of stuff.
So is that it? That is where we are all headed in a vicious cycle of “make money – spend money?”
Seems pretty sad to me, don’t you think? I mean where is the depth, where is the true enjoyment? Most of us by now sure as heck know that it definitely does not come from material items. So if you have the notion still in your head that money brings happiness – it would serve you better to abandon it. Money can definitely make life somewhat easier, although even that can be argued, but it will definitely not bring any true, long lasting happiness.
But let us step back for a moment and examine the following fact: nobody is forcing you to live this way. Hence if by some miraculous circumstances you are enjoying such a lifestyle, then good for you. But if you are not – then why do you keep doing it? Who are you doing it for? Who are you trying to keep up with?
The answers to these questions, we will cover in the 3rd section on breaking free from this phenomenon.
What do the Statistics Show?
Did you know that statistics show that since the middle of the last century, subjective personal happiness has been on the decline?
That is right, our societies may be getting more advanced, but this does not seem to make us any happier. In fact the opposite seems to be true. So why is that, and what is the link?
For starters let us notice that during those same, past 60 years, we have also drastically increased: the number of work week hours, the number of women working full time hours in the work force, the number of divorces and single parents, and the number of items that keep popping up for us to buy.
Coincidence? Definitely not. We are just putting too much pressure on ourselves and in the wrong areas. We are so attached to status and keeping up with society that rarely do we look at ourselves personally and really decipher what makes sense for us!
As David G. Myers, professor of psychology at Hope College found, it is especially since the mid 1950’s, that personal satisfaction has decreased even more, despite the fact that on a personal level we are wealthier. Here is an excerpt from his research:
“During the last four decades, the average U.S. citizen’s buying power more than doubled. The 1957 per-person after tax income, inflated to 1995 dollars, was $8500; by 2002, thanks partly to the rich getting richer and to women’s increasing employment, it was $23,000. Did this more-than-doubled wealth-enabling twice as many cars per person, and TVs, DVD players, laptops, air conditioners, and cell phones-also buy more happiness? Are those of us who enjoy the abundance of the affluent Western world happier with its “fantastic fineness”-with little levers we can adjust to heat and cool our homes to precisely the desired degree, to release clean water for a warm shower or a cold drink, and to microwave our plentiful food? As research shows, the average American, though certainly richer, is not a bit happier. In 1957, some 35% said they were “very happy,” as did slightly fewer – 30% – in 2002.”
Professor David Myer also states that:
“Indeed, if we can judge from statistics-a doubled divorce rate, more-than-doubled teen suicide, and mushrooming depression-contemporary Americans seem to be more often miserable.”
In his research David also presents data that state the following:
“A further bombshell comes from studies showing that individuals who strive most for wealth tend to live with lower well-being, a finding that “comes through very strongly in every culture I’ve looked at,” reports Richard Ryan (1999). This is especially so for those seeking money to prove themselves, gain power, or show off rather than support their families (Srivastava & others, 2001).”
I strongly encourage you to read his full report on “Happiness” which presents many more fascinating and insightful facts, which you can find here.
Breaking Free
So where are we all going? Well not anywhere happy that’s for sure.
Let us therefore revisit the three questions from the first section above:
If you are not happy then a) why do you keep doing it, b) who are you doing it for and c) who or what are you trying to keep up with?
Do you actually know when you are the happiest? For me personally it is when I feel the freedom to be who, what and how I want. It is when I am not on someone else’s schedule but free to express my creations in any way I choose in the moment of now. It is when I connect with nature and not society. It is when I am in a park or in front of the ocean, not in a store or in front of a television.
You may feel the same in many areas. In fact that is our human essence if you admit to it and reconnect with it. We just want to be! Remember we are after all “human beings.”
And where could we be all going? We could be moving toward personal creativity and expression to truly enjoy life to the fullest, but most of us are definitely not moving that way.
I hope at this point you are not thinking how unrealistic it is not to be on someone else’s schedule. The reality you speak of is the reality you create. For example, I will be personally leaving my so called “job” in a few months where I am tied to someone else’s schedule. Do I have a back up? Not anything that would make most people feel secure. But that is exactly it – I am going to create my life and my reality as I go through life. I refuse to live by somebody else’s reality – mainly society’s. I mean don’t get me wrong, I would if it served me and the greater good, but it doesn’t.
The bottom line is that so many of us go through life moving with the “not so happy masses” instead of toward our own personal bliss, because of the following 3 things:
- Fear – Fear of what? Well anything and everything from not having enough to not being enough.
- Competition – We constantly compete with relatives, neighbors, friends and co-workers for more “stuff”.
- Resistance – Resistance to change leaves a lot of us on the same road as the masses, even though we know we do not belong there.
To finish up let us then put this in practical terms. If you do not like where you or your life is “going” then decide today to change. You do not need to have all the answers in this moment, but you need to decide to change and stop the conveyor belt that you are on.
Is it about the house or the car? Houses can always be downsized, so can cars – after all you are not either of them, neither is your worth represented by them. If you are heavily attached to these or any other items and refuse to part with them, then I hope you never complain where you are at, as only you are putting yourself there.
If you are with a partner, then yes it is going to take a very supportive and understanding partner to help you break out. If they are not – that may also tell you something about the quality of your relationship.
If you have kids, stop feeling like you have to give them everything that the commercials show and start teaching them about their own self worth that is measured by who they are and not what they have.
If it is about job security, ask yourself if it really is worth it to go through life in a job you hate for whatever reason just to have it give you what you want. Think about what you are going to say about life when you retire? Where did it all go and with what quality did I live in this existence? I hope you do not end up being one of those people who in their last years say they “got it all wrong.”
Most importantly stop telling yourself you are doing it FOR YOUR….kids, spouse, parents or whomever. You will never be truly happy living life for others.
Conclusion
Breaking away and figuring out life for yourself is not going to be necessarily easy by society’s standards. However, by your standards it will be anything you make it.
If you still need to reflect on this, go out to a major city in the middle of the day, stop and just look around. You may see confusion, you may see madness, you may see unconsciousness and very little if any happiness.
Are you willing to live like that?
Although there are many solutions and personal answers that could be addressed here, look within and you will find many of the answers you need within yourself. I cannot tell you what makes you happy or how each and every situation should be changed for you.
What I can tell you is that everybody deserves to live out life in the happiest and most fulfilling state for them. Along with that everybody has choices in this life, and I mean everybody. But you will never find that happiness or exercise those changes, stuck in the conveyor belt of life with the masses.
So stop feeling tired, drained and run down. Stop feeling like there is too much to do and too little time and start enjoying the moment of now in the way that best serves your personal path of life!
*Photograph courtesy of Joe Shlabotnik
About the author:Evita Ochel, B.Sc., B.Ed., CHN - is the main author of EvolvingBeings.com where she writes about spiritual and personal development. She hopes to inspire people, to truly live out the life of their dreams and awaken the highest version of themselves. She is also a nutritional science and holistic health expert for optimal health and longevity. Learn more about Evita Ochel or Follow Evita Ochel on Twitter.
14 Comments to “Where Are We All Going?”
Wise advice Evita
I really want to believe that we all know that what you are saying is truth. I also believe that many say they will change “someday”
Unfortunately there are only seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them
Sigh …
:) Seth – indeed someday is not one of them…
That is why I stress change now, because if we put it off it tends to go on the back burner of one day. And before you know it people read a post that may have uplifted or inspired them, forget it and that someday for a better life becomes no-day.
Dear Evita,
Here’s a TON of best wishes for when you launch yourself! Congratulations!
I know what you’re saying, and I certainly agree with you. My husband taught me, though, that doing the daily earn-a-buck treadmill DOES have its rewards. It depends on perspective: If we look at the “things” and “keeping up,” then we’re at what you’re talking about. But some people enjoy the daily grind; for them it’s not a grind.
Then there’s a third category: that of focusing on a goal, and then enjoying the pursuit despite the hardships.
Our dream of (very!) early retirement is coming true for me next summer, in a house in the “country” we worked hard to build. We put every cent we could into our first home, to get the equity built up, sold it for profit, then turned right around and lived in a travel camper for 10 years (yes, that long). We lived on the property we built on. We dug the trenches for the power and phone companies (humph), dug a well, plopped in a couple septic systems, and made our way on to the construction phase.
We spent, earned, saved, spent again…and repeated the cycle over and over ad nauseum. We did much of the work ourselves, digging, laying block, etc etc etc.
It was druggery, often, working our day jobs and then living and breathing “house” during the rest of our waking moments. We missed a lot and sacrificed a great deal—and I can’t recall the last time we had a real “date.”
But I wouldn’t trade it! We learned SO much about making dreams come true, about ourselves and what we could create (the “impossible”), about each other, and about how to “be” together in a deeper way than before. We grew immensely!
And despite the weariness we always felt (and still feel; we’ve just moved in and it’s not completely done…AND we’re gearing up for the next phase)…despite all that, we had FUN! It was the adventure of our lifetime!—so far, anyway. ;)
What ELSE all that 9-to-5 did, was allow me to work toward what you’re so looking forward to: branching out into new ventures that are totally “you.” I don’t think I’d have had the courage, before, and I don’t think my husband would have had the trust in the Universe he now has (things are provided, almost magically it seems). During some extremely scary financial times, when we thought we’d lose it all, we just plowed on through. Things just aren’t scary like that, anymore. We developed a new kind of trust.
Now, I’m eagerly anticipating being able to live exactly as I please (well, for the most part), pursuing all my interests, on no one’s timetable except the daily sunrise and sunset. I’ll learn more and grow more and do and be all I can, all within the freedom of time and space and place we’ve created.
Hopefully, my husband will be able to do it soon, too. I’m hoping the very unique adobe block home with solar power (not yet finished) and under-floor radiant heating (not yet hooked up) and breathtaking landscaping (just a figment of my imagination, so far!) will be his “calling card” for a business for him.
We’ve done the conventional daily routine you write of, but we’ve done it with a uniquely unconventional purpose. I believe PURPOSE infuses our activities with color.
So… I absolutely DO agree with you! Wholeheartedly. I also know it’s not black and white. I think it’s all a matter of our perspective, on whether we’re focusing on our personal goals and not aligning ourselves with “the herd.” If we can do that, we’re doing fine!
WONDERFUL post. I hope it’s read by many.
Love,
~ Julie
WOW Julie, wow and wow again!
Your story hit me with such a burst of energy – so powerful! Your zest for life was oozing out of the font on the page.
I am quite speechless at your experience.
Your life definitely does not appear to fit the typical grind of just going for the sake of going.
You decided to indeed have not just a goal, but a special “goal” in mind and this was your creation and now you can reap the rewards of your goal and reap the rewards of growth and learning along the way.
Bottom line it is not black and white as you say, some people can do what you did and enjoy it, while others may not. The bottom line is that you were enjoying yourself and your happiness shines through to today which is proof that you were consciously creating as you went through life not getting sucked into a sad routine where you just tried to keep up and at the same time lose yourself.
Way to go Julie! May you enjoy yourself to the fullest and may your vibrant happiness and outlook on life just continue to permeate this world!
I always wonder about how people are rushing and rushing without pausing a little bit to ask themselves where are they heading to and the funny thing is sometimes a little pause can make a whole turnning point in a person’s life!
C’est la vie!
Yes, I often wonder about what this is all for and where its leading us. Its crucial to just think positively that we are going higher all of the time. You know, like an upward spiral all the time in our lives. And, the power the PK and the chakras can help anybody to understand where this is all leading us much better.
Bhakta David
http://www.chakra-centers-heal.blogspot.com
Pressure on society and people around you is what makes your life miserable. Fear to be judged on who you really are. You have to keep up with society and prove them something, Is this what life is all about? But if you come to think of it you grow also because of that.
@HICHAM – Your words speak such an important truth – “sometimes a little pause can make a whole turning point in a person’s life!”
Indeed if we just stop one moment and try to capture where we are and where we are all going, it can make the difference between life and death – that is spiritual life or death.
@BHAKTA – Although positive thinking is crucial, one must also “be” positive as our essence cannot be fooled. One can think all the positives they want, but if they do not follow through and really believe in their thoughts, they may find themselves going around in circles.
@JOHNLAZY – Pressure from society is indeed strong and for some even more so than others. That is where our personal guidance system has to come in, to turn us back to our roots of being, of living.
We are ultimately not on this Earth for anyone, but ourselves. And if we live for others, we are only taking away from our own experience.
Indeed all of these experiences can and do shape us, but the one who grows and realigns themselves to the lesson is the one who will find they move through life with ease for their own experience, not struggling to keep up with other’s experiences.
Hello Evita, I love your post. I certainly identify with it. For a long while, I was working in a bank. While the salary was attractive and the perks even more so, I was never truly happy. I realize now that it was not what I really wanted to do. I’ve never been happier since embarking on a new path. Although things are not immediately all that clear to me, I walk in greater joy; trusting that the Universe will support and guide me. I know that I’d never go hungry and that I’d always be abundant!
I also value your reflections in this post. It remind me of a physician who mustered his courage to give up that rat race and focus on his dream to be a jazz sax player. He had learned to play at a young age, but had convinced himself musicians struggle to pay bills and survive. He works club scenes, has reconnected with his core passion and has never been happier. I know another physician who sold his sax to attend med school and part of him died that day.
Evelyn’story touches me. It reminds me of an asian girlfriend of mine who is single, a lawyer and relocated to a new country for a job which an attractive salary and perks. Yet, she is lonely, unsatisfied and unfulfilled. I believe no matter what your conditions, to a degree, you always have choices and freedom to change. To develop faith in uncertainty is what makes you stronger. You also learn to listen differently to yourself and attune to energies within yourself you had forgotten.
As for me, for years, I exerted efforts to conform to fit certain categories and labels. Yet, it never worked as I had initially thought I should. I had internships in large organisations but these never evolved into permanent work. Instead, I had a variety of contractual positions and eventually reconnected with my entrepreneurial and spiritual soul. I finally began to accept myself as I am. As this post implies, happiness is a journey, a perpetual learning curve, not a destination.
@EVELYN – I love your story and thank you for sharing it! Indeed things may not be all that clear at first and we may not have all the answers – but that is just it – the journey is personal and in the end the “race” is only with ourselves.
We can live for others, namely society, or we can live for ourselves. Ultimately the latter is usually the only one that provides true contentment and until we come to that point, we may always feel like there is something missing.
@LIARA – Ah yes, the story of those 2 doctors is a wonderful one!
As for yourself there is indeed nothing quite like reconnecting to who you truly are! To getting in touch with our souls, our emotions, our true essence.
Life is just never the same once one connects to all that. Some people may still lose it from time to time, BUT you never forget what it tastes like to be true to yourself and live life according to your own personal rules not somebody else’s.
That freedom, fulfillment and contentment is undeniably delicious!
In the things that we find pleasure in, we also find guilt. Why is that? I think your post was perfectly written Evita.. it’s eye opening and it’s truly sad when we think about it.
We are programed now to push and not enjoy. I sat in traffic the other day for 45 minutes, moving 1/2 a mile, and realized, it’s this type of time that many face daily..being I don’t, I just let my mind wander, and enjoyed the thinking time. But, imagine what that does to those on a strict schedule of deadlines, meetings, soccer games, etc.. it makes them all that more anxious.
Learning to slow down and enjoy what is in front of us, is so tough, I wish I had an easy answer to help those that are so pent up with the aggravation of this day in and day out life. Realizing we are only here for a short spell, is sort of how I deal with it, each day..each person, one at a time…
Yay! Evita I am so thrilled to know that you, too, will be leaving the golden shackles behind for… whatever comes next. Plans or no plans, life becomes fluid and ever-changing once you break out of the routine, turn off the auto-pilot and start truly living.
I am blown away by Julie’s story here, too… following a conventional routine for an unconventional purpose is definitely a great approach to this great debate (should I stay or should I go?).
Thanks!
@ LISIS – Hi Lisis and thank you so much for the warm wishes! Well today almost to the day marks 2 months where I have been free of any formal job. And as much as I loved my job, nothing compares to the freedom that I have gained and feel each day. Nothing compares to the gratitude that I have for doing what I did.
It is as you say amazing to start living, really living! And I hope to inspire many people as my path continues to widen in this life :)