My father built airplanes in our garage. These skeletal husks, unloaded from a huge truck and deposited onto our front lawn, would gawk like gigantic insects missing their innards. Composed only of frame and sheathing, they were frightening. I imagined them as contemptible bugs that would eat me, once their brains were inserted.
My father would grin, ear to ear, before grabbing a few neighborhood men, who would start chatting about ribs and wires, airspeed and instruments. Attaching a few ropes, they would haul the airplane into the garage, where it would cocoon for months, before it was time to connect the wings. This would be done in the backyard, for the entire world to see, as our house backed up on a highway.
Consequently, I grew up being called the girl with the airplane in her yard. I imagine I could have cashed this statement in like a stock amongst boys, who are universally predisposed toward all things mechanical, but I didn’t know how to capitalize on my reputation. I only knew it made me weird, and different wasn’t a commodity in my hometown. So I ignored the airplanes and my father, when he was indulging in his project, until much later in my life.
Little did I know airplanes would become the underlying cause of a crossing point, or life changing decision.
The Nature of Each Choice Point
A crossing point or choice point is like a crosswalk. We all look back to the junctions that made a concrete difference in our lives. We remember the thrill, but also the hardship involved, in turning a 90-degree corner or taking the truly extraordinary path. We might not have known the exact outcome — and we most certainly wouldn’t have predicted, nor wanted to have seen, all the twists and turns. But we can pinpoint much of our life goodness to the successful negotiating of these crossing points.
In my work, I often have to help clients determine the nature of a choice point and support them in making the highest decision. But I also assess the exact nature of the presenting causeway. Is it really a choice point, or is it “Memorex?”
What we consider a crosswalk might be a call to look backward instead of forward. A “backward crosswalk” calls us to evaluate our current situation and first change it, before moving on. As well, not everything that pulls is meant for us. Some junctures aren’t ours at all. We’ve stumbled— or been coerced — into someone else’s meanderings and we’d best serve others and ourselves by leaping off, not staying on, the road. We can’t map a choice point unless it’s a really a choice point.
The true choice point is a summoning to grow our soul. It stops us in our tracks, not for the obvious or surface reasons, such as to decide between chemotherapy and natural health care, or to go the store or remain “couched” at home, but to invite a shift in our point-of-view. These conflicts ultimately invite a change in perspective. If we switch the lens through which we see life, we make different — and potentially healthier — decisions in every area of our life, not only in the presenting circumstance.
We assume that crossing points are always gigantic in appearance, but this isn’t always the case. They can cloak themselves in major or minor life presentations or anything in-between. On a spiritual basis, there’s no difference between big and small. A tiny ripple in a lake can produce as huge a result, as a magnificent wave in the ocean. True crossing points knock on our heart, ultimately opening the door to more love. The goal is to recognize these choice points, select love, and walk the road that creates the highest form of love.
The “Memorex” or backward crosswalks are those that ask us to retrace our path and rethink an old decision. There are times we all yearn for a brand new and shiny future, but it’s not time. Still and yet, we might create a crossroad just to escape the journey way that we are on.
The most obvious example of the Memorex situation is a bad marriage. We might start an affair, thinking it the ideal solution to annulling the negativity of the marriage, but only find ourselves in more agony. This is because our issues travel with us, bags in hand. If we haven’t shifted our perspective and our heart, we haven’t moved off the old boulevard onto a new one at all. We’re the same old self, with a little more wear and tear. Sometimes we’re better off dealing with the situation at hand than moving forward, only to create a new but equally painful predicament.
False Choice Points
False crossing points are those that grip our minds and emotions, but aren’t usually about us. Instead, we find we’ve wandered into someone else’s life drama and have been asked to play a part we’re uncomfortable with. We feel confused, mainly because our souls have been “fused with” another person’s and we can’t separate from the other.
I was recently involved in a false crossing point when my partner’s mother suddenly died — and on my birthday, at that. I had not met her, but I felt a inexplicable kinship with her. An argument arose if I should attend the funeral or not. I wanted to. The truth was, however, that the drama was not about me, nor was I the central character. I wasn’t at a choice point; rather, the key decision-makers were my partner and his father. When I figured out this wasn’t my crosswalk at all, I could sit by the roadside and grieve in my own way.
There are a few ways to discern a true crossing point from a Memorex moment or a false crossing point.
A true crosswalk lies in the heart. It calls for a change in perspective, a higher and more loving way to look at self, the Divine, and other. In fact, we won’t even be able to make the related decision until we enter our heart chamber and see through the eyes of the Divine. The right decision will bring peace and harmony within, though not always outside of us. Change not only requires change; it also produces change.
When confronted by a backward or Memorex moment, we’ll feel like we “have to” forge ahead. The compelling sense of crisis is unpleasant, and can leave us feeling dizzy, perturbed, terrified, and rushed. When I force a future that’s not ready, I often feel dizzy and get a headache.
At such a crosswalk, we can’t hear or sense the presence of guidance. A spiritual guide or the Divine only speaks when there is something to say. If we’re not supposed to move forward, we won’t be told to walk onward. I’ve found that I must be open to waiting — and then returning, reviewing, and remembering, when faced with these mock crosswalks.
The false crosswalk leaves me confused. I feel wrapped up in other’s dramas, needs, or emotions, and find it hard to get to my own. I become scared of hurting others, but seldom consider what is best for myself. I feel trapped and like the entirety of the world — someone else’s — lies on my shoulders. I’ve now learned that when these symptoms arise, I am taking on someone else’s decision. I need to release the other and be still within myself.
True Choice Points
A true crossing point is really a spiritual moment, a choice between being only human and becoming the spirit that we are. Such was the choice point involving an airplane.
My father had been diagnosed with lung cancer. He had just undergone surgery and radiation when I visited him in the hospital, one day, expecting to hear that the procedures had been successful. I had been given reason to believe that they were. Instead, he sat in the bed and stared at me, until we both heard the drone of an airplane outside the room.
“That’s an airplane, dad,” I remarked, not too intelligently. I was hoping he would light up; describe it as a Cessna or Piper, a two- or four-seater. Instead he asked me to close the drapes. That’s when I knew that he was dying.
That moment presented me with a life altering decision. My teacher was regret. I recognized how selfish I had previously been, to view his hobby only through my own viewfinder. Too late, I comprehended the real meaning of his love of flight. I saw that it represented his ideas about life, the desire for the skies, a hidden, free wheeling style, and a compelling drive to reach the horizon. I saw the death of hope in his acceptance of mortality. And I vowed to let my own soul fly as long as I was alive, for truly, we are only here to progress our soul.
After that day, I decided to fly more, in my own way. I stopped being afraid of the lessons life handed me and instead, ripped into them with my teeth and savored their juices.
I also recognized that in many ways, we are always at a crossing point — if we choose to be.
We constantly stand at the corner of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Where we are, there is our soul. Where our soul is, is Spirit. And there is the breeze of change that can fly us into life, carry us to the heavens, and fan us while we walk this earth. There, is hope.
*Photograph 1 provided by Martin Pettitt
*Photograph 2 provided by -stamina-
*Photograph 3 provided by Robert.Montalvo
*Photograph 4 rovided by whatmegsaid
About the author:Cyndi Dale - is the author of The Subtle Body: An Encyclopedia of Your Energetic Anatomy, and eight other bestselling books on energy healing, including The Complete Book of Chakra Healing. She has worked with over 30,000 clients in the past 20 years. To learn more about Cyndi, her work, books and products please visit: www.cyndidale.com
14 Comments to “At the Crosswalk – When It’s Time to Change”
That is such a beautiful post. When my father faced death, I (also not too intelligently) asked him if he could have anything he wanted…what would it be. He replied “Endurance”…that is when I knew he was dying and I was ashamed and at the same time, proud that my father was such a brave man.
xhenry
This stands out for me; “The right decision will bring peace and harmony within.” That meant learning to listen and daring to go within and trusting. That also has meant being peaceful about letting others go although I would have liked it to be otherwise. xox Wilma
This is a very powerful piece, and for me it points out that we always have choices, we are never just floating on the breeze, the rudder is always firmly in our hands.
The entire post is so powerful. Thank you.
Your descriptions of false and true choice points were Divine timing for me; perfectly placed for me to read at this time as I question many new creations in my life. I believe in unfolding, and I certainly cannot allow for unfolding if I am progressing at a dizzying fast pace. *That* should have clued me in, when I felt the ‘dizzying’ part…and it overshadowed the pure joy part….Becoming the spirit is effortless, pece filled it just naturally flows..being human is full of effort, challenging, less than peace filled…
Thank you for the reminder and thank you for sharing!
Hey! Is this post live or is it Memorex? Ah, the wonders for the internet, it’s both live and taped at the same time it seems — blogs are such an amazing medium.
What I’ve learned about the “wrong” roads is they are the learning roads, the ones that opened me up most to growth. Luckily, I make less false turns now, as I point my compass towards love and decisions based on core energies. And stay aware of ego-based detours.
So great to meet you, Cyndi Dale!!
And thanks, Evita, for hosting!!
xo
This was a fascinating read –
I might have to sit and think about my actual “choice points” as I just follow my gut and go with it more than anything else. But I have vivid and very powerful experiences with the choice points of others – and they are uncomfortable and have created confusion and stress within me. They involve a lot of focus on another and very little on myself – and it has taken me a good part of a year to learn to detach from such situations mostly because they involved my daughter. I describe it as feeling like I am a supporting character and a member of the audience at the same time – in that I am watching a life that isn’t mine and choices that aren’t mine – and yet I am on stage because the choices and the lives revolve, in part, around or involve me.
You mentioned an affair – My daughter’s father has faced various choice points from the moment we discovered I was pregnant to the present… For ten years he hid her from everyone in his family and life… choice point – When her existence was discovered accidently, he had another choice point and the series of choice points continues from there. He has consistently chosen to protect his marriage at whatever cost to our daughter or his relationship with her. For me – the false choice points I experienced and the attachment to this drama have been… lessons after lessons as I have had to learn to detach from his actions, his choices, his disowning his mom…
*sigh*
Thank you for sharing so honestly about your own and your daughter’s struggle. I, too, am usually most often hurt by the choice points of others (although my own haven’t always been terrific.) I have a good friend who hasn’t seen his birth father since he was a small child, and the hurt and pain have lasted a lifetime. I think the choice point between honesty and dishonesty rocks the heart and the world…God Bless
Cyndi, I like your correlation between life-giving hope and our choices.
Whether our questioning moment has to do with another or ourselves, the quality of hope is a wonderful guide toward the better choice. Our uplifting, positive emotions guide us well. We must be alert, though, to those fleeting feel-good moments; it’s easy to convince ourselves that “this is right.” With practice, we can see that, often, a selfless act on our part IS, ultimately, the stronger place to be, the choice that leads to greater hope and kindness and love and sharing that begets wellness for all.
Your father’s response to the passing airplane painted a poignant picture for me, tugging at my heartstrings. To SEE he’d lost hope …! Applying that same feeling of dismay to any weighing of choice often helps us see the best choice to make: personal pleasure point appeased vs. someone else’s ultimate discomfort or pain. Yes, our best choice is always to sacrifice our pleasure. May we all learn to do this more readily and happily.
Hi Evita and Cyndi .. decisions .. we can’t reverse the video – we are where we’re at .. but life evolves and if we flow with it – rather than forcing it – then the crossing points will be easier –they’ll have rocky points hidden in surprising depths in the water .. but we’re on the way over – hold faith to ourselves. But I like your example about your partner’s mother .. so often we make decisions to suit ourselves and that’s not right .. my father’s brother aged 96 minus a day! died recently and I was looking forward to going to the funeral and seeing his children and our family again – some I don’t know very well .. but as it’s the end of an era – & I’d been looking after his brother in law who died late last year, and my mother is in her last months, .. it’s an opportunity to see everyone – but Jim had requested only family .. I understood. But my cousin insisted on going to represent the family – I was really upset with her .. I know there’s nothing I can do – but why not respect his wishes .. People are so selfish .. and don’t think ..
As my life is in the throes of major change of many varieties .. I love your decision to let your soul fly .. and I’ll take that with me – thanks .. we learn so much when we visit Evolving Beings and similar blogs – it’s so helpful .. good to share too .. Have good weekends .. Hilary
It is hard, isn’t it? For me, to feel rejected and to be denied a place–besides the more recent dilemma, I was also the only member of family to not be invited to sit in the “family” section at a funeral for my uncle. I did, however, sit with my mother, who had been divorced from the family for a while–and developed a bondship with her during our time to love and honor my uncle. I don’t know if, in grief, people always appreciate the living and life–
A wise woman recently pointed out that there is gain in suffering. She wasn’t speaking to self-inflicted pity or a kissing cousin to suffering, but the true embrace and feeling of our soul’s desires, which sometimes are not met because of others’ fears. I think this is true. I know my heart grows with the feeling of any truth, not only those really “great” and often fleeting urges of bliss….
We are always at a crossroads. Every decisions we make has an infinite amount of solutions. When we decide on the right choice we have to be aware of the unfolding future before us.
It’s exciting to look at it in that way.
Hello Cyndi (and Evita!)
This post radiates with energy! I love the concept of Choice Points and the way you contrasted true and false ones. I feel that each decision we make comes with it’s own set of results and/or consequences. That with each decision we set in motion an energy that will perform some sort of “work”, depending on the decision.
I love this “The true choice point is a summoning to grow our soul.” I really felt that statement. Sometimes such choice points can be scary, but I always know when it is a time of growth.
Amazing, amazing post. I love it!
You know as life would have it, since writing this post, I’ve been standing in my own choice points–always a within the self process. The posts have helped me face my own fears, savor them a bit, then open to love….
Hi Cyndi
Isn’t that amazing – I find that so often as we share our knowledge or passions with others, we end up being opened up to, or learning a lot ourselves. As the saying goes, we teach what we want to learn.
And I love the idea that you finished this article with, in that yes – we are always in a choice-point. When we examine our life in conscious awareness, we see that in every thought, word and action, in fact we are shaping our new paths.