When you look at the people around you, or your own life, what do you normally see?
Is there joy, passion, happiness, a zest for life, and balanced flow?
Or is there uncertainty, regrets, indecisiveness, drama and pain?
Every single one of us gets many, many lessons and opportunities to grow in every single lifetime. Each of these propels us forward in our spiritual and physical evolution. And while I believe that everything happens for a reason, and at just the right time, one cannot help sometimes to think how much different, and easier life may have been if we only knew certain things earlier on.
The idea about how much we learn as we grow, and what would have been nice to know earlier, was recently sparked within me after reading 22 Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier In My Life, by Abubakar Jamil. I enjoyed reading Abubakar’s list and it made me reflect and think about, what would I have liked to have known earlier.
And while I have no regrets at this time, I think it can be fun to think how different things would have been, had we known what we know today, earlier on in our lives. Thus, allow me to share with you here, some of those things for me.
1. Truly, be yourself
Sure people tell us this, but does it really sink in when we are young?
I often find that it is easier for people to be anyone else, but themselves. In fact, in many ways our society promotes that. We tend to fit to our situations, instead of having our situations fit to us.
And boy…. how many ‘negative’ things could be spared, saved and avoided, if we were only ourselves to begin with. We would have a much better chance at attracting the right mates, the right jobs, the right friends, etc… But as long as we choose to be someone we are not, we can never be truly happy.
It feels amazing to be myself today!
2. Don’t worry about what others think of you
As teens it seems to matter what everyone thinks of us, especially our friends. Throughout our lives this does not necessarily go away for most of us. We care what our parents think of us (for some right into their ripe old age), our co-workers, our friends, partners, etc…
But as most of us know – this can be both draining and like chasing our own tail. We cannot ever make everyone around us happy – and the truth is, we shouldn’t. Each person has to find their own inner happiness. We need to be allowed to be who we are. This goes back to point number one.
Because my thinking and lifestyle is so different from the mainstream, I had a choice – be myself regardless what others think, or stop being myself to fit in and make others comfortable. Well, I think you know what I chose ;)
It feels so good to be at a point in my life, where I know who I am, and my confidence allows me to be “me” without adjusting myself to fit in with others.
3. Nothing is the end of the world
Thinking back to my teen years especially, I think “wow, did any little upset ever feel like the end of the world!” A boyfriend break up, parents being mad, a lower grade than expected, and on and on the list goes. Each of these events could have easily brought on tears, pain, fear, and anguish about the future.
Today I know that life is far from serious, and that nothing is the end of the world. Everything is just an opportunity to declare who we are, to grow, to expand and to love.
No matter if a house burns down, or we lose all our money. No matter what – things always work out when we approach them with a calm mind, a conscious state of being and faith in the abundant and loving Universe.
We can get through so much more than we realize. And even those events that seem to not work out, are part of the perfection of it all and part of a much bigger purpose than we may be able to understand at the given time.
4. Unconditional love is true love
In our society the word “love” gets thrown around like the word “walk”. There is just one big difference. As soon as we are about 2 years old, we have a clear understanding of what “walk” is, and yet some of us at 90 years old still are not sure what love is.
It would have been awesome, to earlier in my life, be able to decipher between selfish love, possessive love, desperate love, guilty love and the list goes on and on.
Today I know that true love has no strings attached – no expectations – no conditions. Whether it is between parent and child, lovers or friends true love can exist. It is called unconditional love and it is who we truly are when we remove the rest.
5. Life need not be hard
Too often, and by too many, for most of our lives we hear that life is hard. Well, I like many others believed it. Until one day I didn’t.
Life is only as hard as we make it. Every thought, every choice and every action dictates how “easy” or “hard” anything will be. In the end, it is all relative. It is all our choice.
Had I known earlier that life need not be a struggle, many more things would have gone much more smoothly and with much more happiness along the way.
So today, I get to experience every moment and finally stop judging each one as “hard” or “easy”. Life just is.
6. My thoughts are not always my own – who is the Ego
Once I learned about the Ego, it is like the lights got turned on and so much made sense.
I owe so much of this to the work of Eckhart Tolle whose material was the greatest teacher for me about the Ego and the Pain-body. Once I learned about both, I could identify them within me and stop living out of them.
Being a conscious observer of my thoughts, it is delightful today to live the majority of each day from my conscious higher self, and less and less from the fear-based Ego self.
7. Heaven is not up in the clouds
To finish, one of the most powerful lessons I have learned in my life and wish I knew earlier was that Heaven is not some magical, mystical place in the clouds – but a state of being.
It is possible to remove the pain. It is possible to feel salvation here and now. It is possible to live out our highest selves. It is all possible.
We simply need to wake up, remember who we truly are and Be.
Life can be and is beautiful. We need not wait for Heaven when we die. We can die to our false selves any time and experience the beauty, the joy, the peace and love of Heaven right within ourselves, and give others around us a glimpse of inspiration that they too can be there right now.
Conclusion
In the end, as I mentioned before, I know that everything in my life, just as in yours had to unfold as perfectly as it did to bring us all to the place we are right now. And as much as I know I can name many, many more things that it would have been nice to know earlier, it is all in the learning of them that we become who we are. At the same time though, it never hurts to learn through other’s paths – or ‘mistakes’ as some may call them.
We can help each other learn and grow, and even avoid some of the ‘pitfalls’ by sharing together. You can check out Abubakar’s list, and also to help even more people learn together and from each other, Abubakar extends an invitation to any readers that would like to put together their own list and share it on their site (if applicable). He will compile a directory of all the lists for many others out there to perhaps learn with us and from us. For complete details see Invitation to Write About Stuff You Wish You Had Known Earlier in Your Life.
Update June 28, 2010:
Check out the contribution of the group writing project here of what other writers wished they learned earlier in their life:
About the author:Evita Ochel, B.Sc., B.Ed., CHN - is the founder and editor of EvolvingBeings.com – an online publication featuring various topics on spirituality and metaphysics. Evita teaches consciousness expansion and heart-centered living to help people attain deep meaning, peace and happiness in their life. She is also a nutritional science and holistic health expert for optimal health and longevity. Learn more about Evita Ochel or Follow her on Twitter.
49 Comments to “7 Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier In My Life”
Oh Evita, yes I too feel we have been badly prepared for life. Not because of anybody’s fault but just because we live in a time where all of us have strayed so far from who we really are and not many know how to behave like the divine beings that we are.
But as you say it is never too late to learn. All I can say is that I am so pleased to see the possibility of learning, from you and from may others. As you say we are in this together, learning happens best with others in a loving environment.
I am so pleased to know it is never too late, I am pleased to know that now.
I would have loved to have learned earlier to be myself and that people pleasers do NOT please anybody. It would have saved a lot of grief.
xox Wilma
Hi Wilma
That is a really good way of putting it – ‘badly prepared for life’. I think in our last few generations people really lost so much of their most natural state of being and living. The last century alone has born generation after generation who seemed to get further and further away from who we truly are.
But there was only so far we can go before we hear once again the yearning call within our souls to get back to our natural state.
And you are right, there is no one specifically to blame – there is simply just the loss and confusion that has compounded one generation after another.
And absolutely Wilma – it is never too late :)
I felt some tears, Evita, reading this. They’re your tears. I can feel your soul today. I love you, S.
Hi Simon – and thank you.
Looking back and reflecting through this post, I have to be honest, I barely remember the other person I was – and that is a good thing. There was nothing wrong with me per se, but I was not whole. It is incredible how much I am not the same person today as I was about 5 years ago, when I had a huge awakening that has brought me to this place. Never mind 10 or 15 years ago….
Yes, there was pain, and there were tears, but I am happy to say that I am completely at peace with all that transpired today, and no longer riding the illusive roller coaster of life, but consciously being and living today from my highest self as deep as I can go at this time.
Hello there
I was expecting something else rather than these stuffs you were writing all about. Though my expectations were some powerful sharing which could make me feel that i wasn’t the only one after reading your post i have to admit that it was good enough to read it.
Hi Sudan
Thank you for visiting and your feedback. When I write, I like to go deeper into topics and approach them all out of a higher state of being, so I guess that might be surprising in what ideas come out in many ways.
YES! I love this post! Thank you so much!
Hi Hanlie
Thank you so much for taking the time to pop by and read it. It is awesome to hear your feedback :)
Evita,
This really is so good to read. And as much as life has unfolded for a reason, so also – I (and others) are here and reading this today for a reason. And while I like to think I’ve got it all “together”, the simple truth is…that there are things/moments when I myself NOT be true to my deeper being. And for me – that’s what reading this today is about. While several of these are touching, it’s what I feel is the whole enveloping theme: living our life from deep authenticity. (and I know it’s more than that….) Being real. Being “us”.
Evita, that underlying message that I sense for “me”…it’s such a good one to hear (in my soul)…
Hi Lance
Yes, very, very true Lance.
And I haven’t even thought of it, but yes, authentic living is something that is key to me in my life today and you summarized this post well. The most important things for me today is indeed to live from my own mind and heart, not for or from that of others. This in no way is selfish, as some may misunderstand, but a way to establish a foundation of who I truly am.
Thank you for your loving responses and insights always!
Excellent Evita. A post I can definitely relate to and I’m sure a lot of people can. Thank you for writing it.
Hi Abubakar
You are so welcome and thank YOU, as I have you to thank for the inspiration, thanks to your awesome list :)
Oh Evita,
Your Spirit shines through in this post! Beauty filled, Divine…Thank you!
My eyes well with tears, because I didn’t have a lovely childhood, so I didn’t know many of the things you wrote about until later in life…but there was a day that I opened my heart and I *got it*..I got each and every thing that you said above in the form of Love..Divine Love..and Energy..Pure Golden Energy…I am thankful for each and every moment exactly as it is. My heart wishes that every Being completely *got* what you are portraying with your words…
Many blessings Evita, for being you and sharing as you do:)
Hello Joy
Your words Joy so often have a way of making me blush. Thank you so sincerely.
You are the way you are – the amazing being because of all the moments that lead up to this one. It is too bad that there has to be pain and suffering, but like you I had a big awakening one day and too “got it”. Up until then, I cannot say I had a “bad” childhood in any way – but life had its natural ups and downs, and it just got draining and tiring to go on that way.
So let us rejoice in this moment, this moment of where we are right now and the state of peace and happiness that shines brightly in it!
Thank you again Joy for your beautiful words :)
Like everyone else, this post was music to my eyes, ears & heart. Just the other day I was remembering at what a young age I began feeling “not good enough.” I was barely six years old, but I wanted to look prettier than I felt, and wanted better hair, and more this, less that, etc. Ick ick ick! And throughout my life, I’ve kept reliving those initial, early-year pain bodies over and over again. Only when I hit my 20′s was I given the spiritual awareness, through which I could begin to decipher what I wanted & needed in life.
But it’s a process. I’d be unwise to say that I fully understand this life and can overcome the humanness I’ve chosen for this incarnation. I have very awake days when, as you said, I’m living out of a higher consciousness (love), and then I have very ego-driven days when fear and old programs take over. My greatest joy is in recognizing that everything ebbs & flows, and that I can step back and be both the observer and the observed in all moments if I choose to.
Such power! Such freedom!
But there is still much learning to do.
Thank you, dear Evita! You bless us all with your wisdom and generous heart.
Hi Megan
It is amazing what society and pre-conceived notions can do to us if we don’t know any better. Gosh, it can be sad, but standing back it is kind of funny what we get ourselves to believe and become.
It feels so good to shed all that now, so good! And just live more freely from our higher state.
And you know what, I love the learning part – may it continue on and on! I think it would be boring if it ended. I believe we will constantly be evolving, just as God – Source and this Universe evolves too.
You are wise beyond your years. There are so many things that I wished I could tell my teenage self, but like you said I probably wouldn’t listen. I didn’t understand that I needed to focus on the important things. Well, I guess I did. I thought I knew what was important.
Thanks for reminding me of how far I’ve come. I still have a long way to go to make my life, career and happiness a regular reality, but each day I improve. That’s all I can ask for.
Hi Karl
Thank you – I am humbled by your words.
We all think we have it all figured out, don’t we when we are teens. And then life turns out to be soooo different.
And you got it! Constant never ending improvements – it is what my husband and I committed to each other in our relationship, and it is something that I intend to always live out in every area of my life.
Hi Evita! What a fabulous idea – when I saw the title I thought wow, only seven? I have a few favorites (besides sharing/agreeing with yours)
1. Don’t look for the manual – this is no manual.
2. Leave perfection (of anything) to the Divine.
3. There is your business, their business and God’s business – stick to your own business.
I may just have to do a post on this too! Great idea! I love collective wisdom!
hugs
suZen
Hi Suzen
Yes, I shared your enthusiasm as soon as I read Abubakar’s list, and so it is awesome to share mine and make the collective wisdom go around!
And you are right, there were many more things that I could have written about – but I held back for two reasons – one because I explained each one and did not want to turn this into a mini-book, and two based on that I wanted to focus on what was really important to me, to know today.
No pressure – but would love to see your expanded list :)
Evita,
I also love this post! I can totally related to some of your learning lessons. Everything happens for a reason.. When you make a decision you should keep your head up high and walk forward the future. We sometimes think too much of what others are thinking and expecting of us.. I agree with Suzan.. Do you is what needed. It’s true.. Life is only as hard as we make it, you are the author of you life and easy or hard its all in your head. You are amazing! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Justin
Thank you for your visit Justin and the awesome feedback and taking part in this discussion :)
And yes… may we always remember, no matter what happens… that it is all for a bigger purpose than we may be able to comprehend at that time.
Hi, Evita,
I dare say your lessons are some everyone can relate to! You’ve outlined them so well, and I agree with Lance’s summation: being true to our uniqueness is the greatest beauty.
Something that helps us set aside all the things barring our way, is to understand that it’s our own thinking that gets in our way of having, living, being as we wish. Remembering that we color in the picture gives us ownership—and responsibility. And that’s so empowering!
Love you :)
~ Julie
Hi Julie
Thank you Julie – very much appreciated to hear your wisdom on this front!
Love the thought, that yes, it is indeed our thinking that gets in the way. May we thus we able to release more and thus live more fully each moment.
Hugs and love to you too Julie :)
Dear Evita ~ That’s an absorbing post. It made me think of what I have really learned over the last five years
4,5,7
Especially 4
xh
ps: Great photos :)
Hi Henry
Thank you! I thought I would be bold and since this post was about my life, put some photos of me in there too, and a few other “friends”, none of which are mine by the way.
Love & Light to you always Henry!
Hi Evita .. yes – I’d have definitely liked to have had other lessons and other influences .. some we can control some we can’t .. being sent away to school – a good thing, but perhaps being home and local would have give me a better approach to deal with the vagaries of life – however the education was good. Together parents .. but again .. out of my control .. and on ..
However what’s important now .. is my life and my decisions I make as you so rightly point out .. and your point 7 about Heaven .. rings so true .. be true to the now ..
Have a great rest of the week – Hilary
Hi Hilary
There are so many things that happen in each of our lives, and even though we may wish for some of them to have been or be different, I truly believe we are always exactly where we need to be.
For even if we do not like the place we are at, in any given moment, the purpose was still achieved to get us to know that, and move in thought and action to a new state of being.
Blessings and love to you!
Hi Evita — thanks for this — I like particularly how you said that you have no regrets. I get that, if you hadn’t experienced what it’s like not to know these things in your list, you wouldn’t be able to share these learnings with us today.
Hi Chris
Completely how I feel.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Hi Evita,
Your photos our so lovely. Your physical light and love is a reflection of your inner which is simply Divine. I too learned from Tolle especially about our pain body. I bought his book on CDs after reading the book and I’m getting them out today. Thanks for being you and reflecting back my own light today.
Hi Tess
Thank you :) And it is amazing indeed how we can be reflections of the light and love we are for each other.
I love going through Eckhart’s work from time to time, as I find it is so core to changing our ways of living out of the Ego, and moving more into a heart-centered and stillness filled way of life.
[...] 7 Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier In My Life [...]
Hi Evita,
A great list of lessons.
The funny thing about life lessons is that we know most of them from an early age, but they only “click” at a certain time, after a particular experience or when expressed in a different way.
I laughed when I realized how silly some of my earlier beliefs were. For example, that life has to be hard, or that happiness on earth isn’t important. When we’re stuck in a bubble it’s difficult to see life for what it is.
We live and learn. :D
Hi Haider
Thank you :)
You are so right! In fact, isn’t it the case that that just continues throughout our whole lives… we know so much today that can make our lives better, or easier or happier, but it doesn’t always “click” until a certain moment. So until then…. we often struggle or learn the harder way….
And you are right, being stuck in a bubble only allows us to see so much…
Thanks for your visit and great insights!
Love them all, esp # 1, #2 and # 5. I used to feel bad when people said I was always looking for fun or the easy way out – now I’m proud of it and have made a career of it!
As for 1 and 2, kids start off their lives embodying all these lessons and then adults & life teach them otherwise, till one day we grow up and realise hey who’s life am I living!? Then we start learning what came naturally to us in the 1st place.
I’m so happy Abubakar asked us all to write this post. I ended up wuth 25 things I wish I’d known sooner, I bet there are zillions more but then life is all about experiences :) You have a pretty great site here, glad to have met you. Cheers! Tia @TiaSparkles
Hi Tia
Thank you for your feedback :)
It is wonderful to make happiness a way of life, and even better to inspire others to share in their own as well.
I too, love what Abubakar has put together in connecting more of us and sharing to help others perhaps learn from what we realized up to this point.
And yes, my list could have been way longer… I just chose to really focus in on what made most difference in my life… perhaps a second part one day ;)
Evita, I am thinking about doing the same as per Abubakar’s kind invitation a few days ago and when I read this, I knew I cannot top it in any way shape or form, bravo for being brave, honest, sincere and kind in all your self-reflections. I loved it and while it’s very bittersweet to look back at my own stupidity, I am vowing that my present and future days will be more like your new vision than my old one….I am happy to also confess that I LOVE being me and doing what I want and not living up to the world’s expectations anymore. Beautiful writing and wonderful to find you here! Thank you!
Hi Farnoosh
Thank you Farnoosh for the really humbling comment.
Being yourself is most important and in the end the personal, internal peace and happiness is what really matters.
I think you would have a fantastic list Farnoosh – we each have gone through what spoke most to us and is in slight or large ways uniquely different from the experience of another :)
Hi Evita,
I thought I had already commented here, but I do not see it so here it is. These are some great lessons, I specially like #2, #3 and #7. Sometimes we make a mistake and think it is end of world but you are right it is not. After sometime everything is forgotten or healed. I like that heaven could be here, where we live if we want to make it. Thank you for sharing the beautiful life lessons. It is amazing to see how everyone in the series have learned and improved themselves.
Nice post Evita. Apart from all the nice points, I enjoyed the point called ‘Nothing is the end of the world’.
I totally agree that Nothing is the end of the world. In fact, in the nothingness, a possibility rests. A possibility of new beginning… a possibility of creation… a possibility to create something.
Nothingness rocks!
Best,
Utpal
Hi Evita
I really enjoyed this post. I especially liked unconditional love and life need not be hard. They are two lessons which are so simple when you “get” them. They just click into place but until you have that ah ha moment you can struggle with them.
Thank you for a great post
Hi Marion
You are most welcome and thank you Marion for stopping by and sharing in some of my “life lessons” :)
Hi Evita,
This is so beautifully thought out and put together. I get a real sense of the beautiful woman inside. Thank you for sharing her with us and inspiring us all to find the beautiful people in each of us. Thank you Evita….written from my little piece of heaven.
Hi Sarah
Thank you so much for your visit and comment.
Your comment was very heart-warming and I appreciate your words so much – thank you again.
[...] Below lesson was contributed by Evita Ochel under the title 7 Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier In My Life. [...]
your topic is that 7 Things I Wish I Had Known Earlier In My Life. what you wrote above is completely right. but at my side i think if you could go back and change what you’ve done. you wouldn’t be you now. For me, you are now so nice in your thoughts, your mature and your spirit.
Once i read somewhere some things very truly, is that “we need to have enough happiness to make us sweet, enough trials to make us strong, enough sorrow to keep us human, enough hope to make us happy”. and it seems like the whole purpose of life is just to learn and grow. the mistakes we’ve done is the great teacher of our life. so we have to thank this teacher for what we have been taught from. just hope the consequences of mistakes we’ve made just affected our own life, not affect much others around us.
i loved this Evita. you are a beauiful soul. stay true.
Hi Greg,
Thank you so much! It was so nice to hear from you :)